


It had to be you

by Caspienne



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff (Later), I'm Sorry, M/M, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2019-12-18 14:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18251480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caspienne/pseuds/Caspienne
Summary: "Watching the love of his life die in his arms could have been the worst moment of his life. But then came the following days, months, and years. Sure he has learned to live with it, but the pain seems to always stay near the surface, coming back to his mind in full force with every small or big details that remind him of his Alexander. From a picture on the wall of the loft they had shared together for only a few years, to a song that they had danced to giggling like teenagers, or just when he finds himself excited by something and wants to share it with his love, only to discover as he turns to tell him about it that he isn't here anymore."Or the Reincarnation AU nobody asked for.





	1. "I know forever don't exist"

**Author's Note:**

> Please be sure to read the warning and tags before starting!
> 
> The title for this fic is inspired by the song of the same name that you can hear in the last scene of the TV show Drop Dead Diva. If you are familiar with this show, you'll understand why it kinda fits with the theme.
> 
> A big thank you to my beta for this work Quinn_Coveswena, your advice and help is very much appreciated! ♥  
> Also, she sent me a song that made her think about my fic, and I couldn't stop listening to it after that. So the titles for both chapters are actually from this song. Go listen to it if you feel like it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtgQ389wovk
> 
> I'm happy to share this second fic with you, I hope you'll like it! :)

“There are too many, I can't contain them all with my magic! I've used too much already! Go, all of you!”

“I am not leaving you here. We'll be alri—”

A loud gasp escapes Alec's mouth as he falls to the ground with a loud thud. Magnus runs towards him and sees a large stinger from one of the demons surrounding them poking out between his shoulder blades, right through his chest. “Oh no no no, please no...Stay with me!” Warm tears start to fall from Magnus' eyes as he witnesses Alec's laboured breathing. “Oh hell no! You’re not doing this…You’re not leaving me right now! Don't you dare!”

As Alec is laying on the ground, his family and friends are still battling the hordes of demons coming towards them, all trying to push them away. Magnus desperately tries to help his lover with his magic, with no result. He lost too much of it already and the wound is too deep and probably infected by some poison too, for which Magnus has no remedy at this moment. Alec is loosing a lot of blood and can barely manage to speak. “I...I love you, Magnus. I wish we could have had more time...I'm sorry, we were supposed to have so much more...It's...Promise me you won't close yourself off again? Magnus...Promise me!” Tears are gathering at the corner of his eyes; he's having trouble to keep them open. And Magnus can't find the strength to answer to his love.

“Magnus, please...” A difficult cough interrupts what Alec was going to say. Magnus takes him slowly into his arm, trying not to touch the stinger to avoid putting Alec in even more pain. “I-I promise...I'm sorry Alexander. I'm sorry I failed you. I love you...so much. I...” 

Tears are now flowing abundantly on his cheeks, and Alec seems to gather the last of his strength to wipe them away with one of his hands and speaks in a barely audible whisper “Don't... Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault...I...I love...” His words get lost as he closes his eyes and his hand slowly falls from Magnus' face. 

No more sound. Alec has stopped breathing, a still body in Magnus' arms.

A loud and desperate cry breaks into the sky then, and the battlefield is washed away from all evils in only seconds.

 

****

 

Watching the love of his life die in his arms could have been the worst moment of his life. But then came the following days, months, and years. Sure he has learned to live with it, but the pain seems to always stay near the surface, coming back to his mind in full force with every small or big details that remind him of his Alexander. From a picture on the wall of the loft they had shared together for only a few years, to a song that they had danced to giggling like teenagers, or just when he finds himself excited by something and wants to share it with his love, only to discover as he turns to tell him about it that he isn't here anymore. 

It has been 324 years since Alec died, and Magnus hasn't kept his promise. It didn't matter that his friend Cat, along with her grown daughter Madzie, were trying to push him everyday, to at least try to make him meet new people, not necessarily to seek a new love but to just live a little. But Magnus just couldn't. It was pathetic, selfish, it was so many things he told himself. But he just couldn't move on from his Alexander. He had been, and still was, the love of his life, his everything, and he didn't want to let him go. Even if it meant becoming a grumpy, closed off, sulking warlock for the rest of his eternal life. 

He had continued to meet with Alec's family from time to time, not so surprisingly sharing a profound connection with Jace, as they probably were the only ones who could understand each other's feelings. Jace had lost his Parabatai. One never stayed unscathed by that either. They sometimes met to share stories about their lost friend and lover. He had cried a lot with Izzy and Maryse the first few years too. 

Now they were all gone as well, and as much as he loved his immortal friends and was used to lose mortal friends and lovers throughout the centuries, he felt the weight of all those losses even more intensely, partly because they were the last links to the man he loved too. That's why he had decided to stay away from Izzy and Simon's and Jace and Clary's descendants unless they needed him for some particularly difficult negotiation with the Clave as an ally; all the rest was too difficult. Alec had started to change the Clave from the core, but he died at only 32 before being able to see the results. His family kept fighting to reform their ancient and stubborn nephilim culture, and while some improvements still needed to be made, a lot had changed for the better throughout the centuries. Magnus always felt pride thinking that his Alexander was the one that had started it all. 

 

Today, however, he feels particularly unwilling to do anything, even if he has accepted Cat's offer to go to this party in Italy with some other warlocks – if you could call that a party, nothing here could be dignified to be considered as an amusement. That's how he found himself sulking in a corner of the mansion's terrace, with a drink in his hand, leaning against the railing and watching the beautiful Tuscany landscape in this late evening. 

It's in this rare moment of peace that he hears someone bursting outside through the french doors, rambling to himself, unaware of anyone else being there in the dark.

“Fucking idiots...” The man goes to lean on the railing a bit farther from Magnus when he jumps in surprise seeing that someone is already there. “Uh, sorry. Wasn't expecting to see someone else up here.” 

“It's alright. It seems to be the right place for wannabe grumpy cat contestants.” 

“What?” The man seems confused but laughs softly nonetheless, exhaling his frustration away. As he turns to get a better look at his companion on the terrace and to introduce himself, his eyes widen a bit. “Uh, hi! I...You... You're Magnus Bane, right? I've heard so much about you. You're quite famous around here.” 

“The one and only,” Magnus sighs, then turns to properly greet the newcomer. He freezes right on the spot as he falls onto the man's gaze. Some light is coming through the doors where they stand and he can see the deep hazel of the man's eyes. Those eyes… He hasn't seen this color, this particular shade in so long. And as he watches the rest of his face, his heart breaks into a million pieces. How…? He's so stunned that he stays quiet for quite some time. “Alec...” he says in a whisper that the other man doesn't hear. He's brought back from his astonishment when the other man clears his throat. “Are you alright?”

Magnus blinks several times to try to clear his head. “Uh, yeah, sorry. Just got lost in time...Who are you? What brings you here? I don't recall seeing you at any other warlock meetings.”

“Uh...”

“I'm sorry, that was a bit much.” Magnus says apologetically.

“No, it's fine,” the man says with a gentle smile. “Well, I was raised by mundane parents. They found me when I was a baby right on the side of the road. I never knew there was a name for what I was until I met someone just like me a month ago.” He shrugs dismissively. “And here I am.” 

“You were raised by mundanes?”

“Yes. They were the best, never feared any of my strange abilities.”

“Were?” 

There is a deep sadness in the man's voice as he speaks. “Yeah...They died in a car accident a year ago.” 

“I'm sorry.” Magnus can't help but feel sad for the man. “What's your name?” 

“Uh. Yeah, sorry. I didn't even introduce myself. I'm Alistair, I'm from New Orleans,” he says, extending his hand towards Magnus' to shake it. When Magnus takes it, he can't help but feel a pang in his chest. This name, another version of Alexander, the Scottish version if he remembers correctly. He knows it's stupid, but he can't help the tears pooling in his eyes, so he turns his head just in time so that the other man can't see.

After a short while, he speaks again. “And who were those poor idiots?”

“What?”

“Those, and I quote, 'fucking idiots' you were talking about when you came here.”

“Oh, yes. Right. It's nothing, just some stupid prick and his friends laughing at me for acting like a mundane. Whatever the hell that means.”

“Let me guess. The name is Lorenzo and the face is ugly.” Alistair can't help but snort at that.

“Yup, pretty much.”

“Don't give it too much thoughts. The man is indeed a prick.”

“Thanks. But it's kind of true. I was raised a mundane.”

“And? There is nothing wrong with that. Hell, I wish I had been one sometimes...”

“How so? It seems pretty great being able to do almost everything with your powers. And I've heard you've got a lot of them.”

Magnus doesn't really know how to answer to that. This warlock seems so young. He doesn't know how to explain it without crushing the hope and eagerness he probably still has about this life.

“Power isn't everything. The people are. And while one might stay with you forever, the others not always can.”

“Oh. I see...I guess...I suppose this must be the hardest.” 

“You have no idea.” Magnus can't help the tears to gather in his eyes again and turns his head quickly the other side.

“What was their name?” Alistair's voice is so soft and careful that it makes Magnus turn his face quickly towards him again. But he still doesn't answer. “I'm sorry.” Alistair continues. “I didn't want to cause you pain. I just...You seemed to think about someone in particular, and I...I thought maybe you wanted to talk about them. But I...I should go. Sorry...” 

How can he do that? The rambling, the stuttering. It's...It's so much like him that it's disturbing. It's tearing his heart apart, but he doesn't want it to end just yet. And Magnus finds himself staring into those beautiful hazel eyes again. “No, stay.”

Alistair ponders Magnus' reaction for a moment before answering. “Okay”

 

****

 

It has been four months since he had met Magnus, and Alistair can't help the nagging feeling in his mind that something is strange about the man. Not a bad strange, but strange nonetheless. He hasn't asked about Magnus' past again after that moment on the terrace, but the man has kindly given him his phone number if ever he needs help in this new world. He had not intended to use it, but a situation had come up with a seelie in New Orleans that Alistair didn't really know how to deal with, so he had sent a text to Magnus only asking for his advice. 

That's how it all started, and now, four months later, they speak almost on a weekly basis through texts or calls. At the beginning it was just to ask for help, but now, more and more, just to have some news. They even see each other from time to time, only being a portal away. And Alistair can't help but be drawn to Magnus. The more he talks with him, the more a sense of familiarity starts to appear. It's the weirdest thing. But he can't understand why. He only knows the man for a few months but it seems he can understand every of his reactions and emotions as if he'd known him for years. 

Currently, he's coming back from helping a group of werewolves in the bayou when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He can't help the smile that grows on his face when he sees the name and answers the call. 

“Hey Magnus! How are you?” 

“I'm good. You?”

“Very good, I just need a big steak and some liquid to go with it.”

“Used too much magic?”

“You could say that. Anyway, why were you calling?”

“Oh yes. There is to be a huge warlock meeting in New York in two weeks, and I wondered if you would be interested in coming. You could meet different people who could help you work on your magic.”

“I already have you for that. And the last party went so well...” Alistair can hear Magnus chuckle at the other end of the line.

“Well, for one, I'm the one organizing it, so no pricks involved. Two, there is so much I can't teach you. I'm lacking in healing magic, for instance. Some warlocks might be able to help you with that. And it's important to have good relations with other warlocks, trust me.”

“Yeah, okay. I'll be there. Text me the details. See you then!”

“See you!”

If Alistair has a stupid smile on his face all the way home, nobody has to know. 

 

****

 

“Magnus, what are you doing?” 

Magnus has been arranging some fresh linen on the guestroom's bed for the last minutes and stops when he hears his friend.

“I told you, Cat, I want him to feel welcome here. He doesn't know anybody in town. I just want to be a good friend.” Cat sighs heavily at that.

“Magnus, I saw the guy remember? I just don't want you to get hurt. He's not...”

Magnus feels his heart shrink in his chest and anger rising to his throat. 

“I know that, Cat!” He lets go of the pillow he was holding, putting it at the head of the bed, and takes a long breath. Cat didn't do anything; she is just worried. But she has no reason to be. “Really, I just want him to feel welcome in the downworld. You know how hard it can be. Plus, wasn't it you who told me repeatedly that I should make new friends?”

Cat crosses the threshold where she has been watching him prepare the room to put a comforting hand on his arm. “Yes, I did. I'm sorry. Just take care of yourself, okay?”

The concern is clear in her voice, and Magnus can't help but feel a rush of affection for his friend and takes her in his arms. “I will, don't worry.”

The next day, as he's preparing coffee for breakfast in his kitchen, he hears the tell-tale signs of a portal opening in his living room, and starts to smile. “Uh, Magnus?” He hears the voice he has learned to recognize the last few months. 

“In here!” he says, raising his voice so that the other man would find his way to the kitchen. “Want some coffee?” he asks as he hears footsteps approaching. 

“Sure. Dark, please. I brought some beignets from the French Quarter.” Alistair says as he comes into the room. 

“My my... You know the way to a man's heart, don't you?” Magnus jokes. The blush that it creates on the other man’s cheeks almost makes Magnus regret what he just said. Almost. It is too damn cute. But he shouldn't be talking to Alistair like that. He's his friend, only his friend. And he promised Cat that he wouldn't get too involved or else he might get hurt. 

But how is he supposed to do that when the other warlock keeps acting, and even talking sometimes, like his Alexander? It is sometimes way too hard being around him, but he can't stop himself. He is drawn to the man. And he feels guilty for it in so many ways.

“Hey, Magnus? Are you okay? You seemed lost for a moment.” He hadn't realized that he had been staring at the kitchen island for a while, lost in his thoughts, until he heard Alistair's voice.

“Yeah, sorry. I just remembered something. Nothing important, just something to check for the party.” He forces a smile on his lips and looks at the other man again. He can clearly see the suspicion in his eyes, but then a small smile appears on his face and he doesn't push any further. 

 

Later that day, after Magnus had showed Alistair his room and the man had rested a little, they decided to prepare themselves to go to the party. It's happening in one of the clubs that Magnus owns in the city, closed for the evening to mundanes and other downworlders. “Lis? You ready?” Magnus asks as he leaves his room. He hears his friend answer from the couch in the living room. 

“I told you not to call me that! Nobody calls me that; it's too weird. And I've been ready for half an hour. Are you ready?” 

“Well, what would be the fun in that then? I enjoy watching you get worked up over a silly nickname too much. And, yes, I'm ready. But it takes time for this,” Magnus says as he gestures to himself, “...to look flawless.” He looks up then and can't help his jaw to drop slightly at the sight of Alistair. He isn't the kind to dress fancy, ever, but the man in front of him is just breathtaking. He has a pair of tight black jeans, and a simple but exquisite cobalt blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up on his forearms. But the light reflecting on it makes it appear as a shining sapphire. Sapphire. That was the color they had chosen for... 

Looking at the man's face again, he loses all capacity to breath properly. 

 

****

 

He's been waiting for Magnus to be ready for a while now, and he's fidgeting, playing with his sleeves. He isn't nervous; not at all. What is another party, really? Except Magnus had just told him this afternoon that the majority of the warlocks that would be there would be High Warlocks from all around the world. And he's just a baby warlock. He doesn't know how to act around them. He is so afraid to sound or look stupid. 

As he's going down a spiral of self deprecation, he hears Magnus from the other room. And here he is with that stupid nickname again. Well, if he's being honest, yes it sounds silly, but he kind of likes that only Magnus calls him like that. As the other warlock walks into the room, Alistair loses all capacity to think properly. The man is stunning. He has dark grey pants that are sinfully hugging his legs, a waistcoat of the same color over a dark burgundy shirt, an ascoat around his neck, and his dark hair is styled in a high mohawk. 

When he finally looks at his face, which is a piece of art in itself, he doesn't miss the look in his eyes. It is the most heartbreaking look. He remembers seeing it the first time he had met Magnus at this party in Italy, and a few times since. But he never dared to ask what it meant. He wasn't going to let it pass today, and he looks at the man in front of him with resolve in his eyes. And as he watches Magnus intently, he sees him starting to have trouble breathing, his hands trembling in front of him and he spurs into action instantly. 

The warlock is having a panic attack, and he needs help. He goes to him and takes his hands in his urging the other man to breathe. “Hey, it's gonna be ok. Please breathe. One, two, three, four. Inhale. One, two, three, four. Exhale. Again with me.” They do the exercise together a few more times until Magnus seems to relax enough in front of him.

“Hey, Magnus, it's alright. You're okay. You're safe.”

“I...I'm sorry.”

“Don't apologize.”

“You...You just...I can't. I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry.” There is fear and distress in his voice and Alistair squeezes his hands harder, marking soothing circles on the back of Magnus' hands. It seems to ground him again. 

“Magnus, what is happening? Can you tell me? Can I do something?” He sees the hesitation in the other man's eyes and waits for a bit, trying to convey his most honest desire to help. 

“We should sit down.” Magnus tells him then, leading them to the couch while keeping one of his hands in his. “You remember when I was a bit strange, shocked, the first time we met?” 

“Yeah. You still make that face from time to time.” Alistair answers truthfully. “What is it? You can tell me anything.”

“Do I? I suppose so. It's complicated... See, there is a person I miss dearly everyday, the person I was talking about back then, he...he was my fiancé. He was a Shadowhunter...”

The hurt in Magnus' eyes and voice is so painful to witness that he can't help but sit closer to him and squeeze his hand again to reassure him. “I understand.” Alistair says softly.

“No, you don't. Not really. See, the reason I was so stunned seeing you is because...You're just like him.”

“What do you mean ‘like him’?” 

“Well, first your eyes. They're the exact same color as his were. Your laugh, your adorable stuttering...It's so much like him.”

“I...I don't know what to say. I'm sorry if I brought back so much pain. It happens sometimes. You have features in common with other people you never met, it can be troubling.”

“I really don't think you understand, Lis.” At that Magnus rises up and goes to his work room that he keeps closed most of the time, coming back after a while with something in his hands. It looks like a large book, and Magnus is keeping it close to his chest, like the most precious treasure in the world.

“Here, look at it,” he tells Alistair as he hands him the book, some kind of photo album. As he opens the first pages, looks at the photos, the first thing he notices is the loving and unabashed smile on Magnus' face. He has never seen him smile like that. And then he looks at the man by his side on the pictures, and he finds himself being the one having trouble to breathe. It's not only the eyes, this man looks exactly the same as him, apart maybe from a small scar on his eyebrow or the runes on his neck and arms. But it's undeniable. 

He doesn't know how to explain it. He explores the book further, peeks through the pages with an uneasy feeling growing in his chest. He feels his heart beating ten times faster when he comes across a small object, stuck in one of the corners of the album. He brushes his fingers on the surface, feeling the roughness of it. The color has faded, but it must have been a beautiful red once. 

“It's an omamori charm.” Magnus explains with the softest voice. “I think it's the most precious thing I own in this place. At least to me,” he says, sweeping the tears that are falling under his eyes, trying to hide them.

“Alexander gave it to you?” Alistair asks then.

“Yes. Yes, he did, shortly after we began dating. He—” Magnus stops suddenly, shock written all over his face. “How...How do you know his name? I never told you.”

“I...You did. Earlier, you said...” Alistair is starting to feel dizzy as he tries to explain himself; he's sure he has heard the name before. 

“No, I didn't. I said my fiancé.” Magnus answers firmly.

Alistair suddenly feels a violent headache coming, the diziness increasing as he tries to remember when he'd heard the name before. Did someone mention Alexander to him before? Another warlock? No, he didn't even know that Magnus has had a fiancé a moment ago, much less his name. 

Feeling himself drifting away into darkness, he clutches the omamori charm harder in his hands, and falls inconscious. The last thing he hears is Magnus' voice: “Lis!”

What follows is a series of blurred visions that he doesn't understand. They seem to be memories, but he can't recall ever living them. A succession of feelings and people he doesn't recognize. Then it narrows on one singular person, smiling at him like nobody has ever smiled at him. And calling his name. “Alexander...” No, not his name. Or was it? The face disappears again, and Alistair falls into darkness once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this first part!  
> Don't hesitate to share your theories on the next part with me, I'd love to hear about them.


	2. "But after this life, I'll find you in the next"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long... but I hope you'll like this second part! 🙈
> 
> I can't thank Quinn_Coveswena enough for her precious help with this fic! She's the best! And if you haven't already, go read her amazing fics, they're beyond amazing! 💖
> 
> Well, that's it I guess, enjoy!

Alistair has been unconscious for a good three hours now, and Magnus doesn't know what to do. The man is alive and breathing fine, he just seems to have a very troubled sleep. Magnus tries every spell and potion he knows to try to wake him up, with no success. What the hell? He thinks.

Magnus can't help the wild beating of his heart. How did he know about Alexander? Is it a sick game someone is playing with him? Bringing back the face of his love to torture him? As he's slowly becoming angrier by the minute, a hand lands on his forearm where he sits on the couch next to Alistair. “Magnus...” The strain in his voice calms Magnus instantly and he covers Lis' hand with his. Alistair tries to sit up next to him. “Hey... slowly... you just had a bad seizure.” He hates that his voice is so soft and he quickly takes his hand away again. 

“What... How long have I been passed out?” Alistair asks groggily, sounding disappointed when Magnus takes his hand from his. 

“Almost four hours,” Magnus answers.

“Your party! Magnus I'm sorry, we...we should get going,” Alistair says with a painful groan. 

“No. You're staying here to rest. You just had a seizure and you obviously are still in pain,” Magnus argues firmly, pushing Alistair to lay back against the couch, taking the blanket from one of the near loveseats and laying it on him. “Sleep. We'll talk tomorrow.” Alistair can't really argue as he's already dozing off peacefully.

 

****

 

The headache seems to have subdued when he wakes up the next morning. Looking for Magnus, Alistair finds him still asleep, the door to his room slightly open. He goes to the kitchen to prepare some coffee for them, and comes back to the couch with his steaming cup a few moments later. It's gonna be a long day, better be ready for it.

The album catches his eyes again when he sits in front of the coffee table. Slowly but surely, he goes through the book again, feeling inexplicably drawn to its memories . He dreamt about them last night, and they seemed so real. He knows in his heart he has lived these moments, he just doesn't know how. The concept of past lives is as crazy to him as a dinosaur walking through time square, but again, only a year ago he didn't believe warlocks, werewolves, vampires, or any other supernatural creatures existed. But how could any of this be possible otherwise? He hears someone walking behind him then and turns to see Magnus appearing with his own steaming cup. “Thank you for this.” He motions to the coffee in his hands. “Do you feel better?”

“Yes. Thank you. Magnus–” 

“Wait! Before we discuss anything. I have to ask, is this some kind of trick? Were you sent to me by some sick warlock trying to break me down or something?”

“Wha–” Realization dawns onto Alistair then. How could someone be so twisted to want to inflict this kind of pain on Magnus? He hopes no one would ever consider it, but swears he would kill anyone who would try to hurt him in such a way. “Of course not! I– I'm gonna be honest, I don't know what's happening here, what those dreams are about, what it all means. But I swear to you, nobody sent me. Please believe me!” 

The fear and despair is so clear in his voice that it breaks Magnus’ heart a little. “I do. I believe you.” He reassures him by laying an inviting hand on top of the book, which Alistair quickly takes in his own and squeezes warmly. “You just spoke about dreams. What kind of dreams?” Magnus asks softly.

“I don't know exactly. I dreamt about the pictures in the album, like I was living the memories in them. like I was there. I know it's strange but I did. I don't know what this means...I'm lost, Magnus.” The expression in Alistair's eyes makes Magnus' heart squeeze even more, if that is even possible. “Do you... do you think you could…?” Speaking the words is too much for Magnus, he can't wrap his head around the idea. He has lived centuries on this earth and yet has never heard anything about possible reincarnations, apart from what he saw in the movies. How could it be possible? It's just a myth, a legend. But yet again, as the Shadowhunters would say, all the legends are true, aren't they?

“I'm sorry Magnus, I don't know. I only know those dreams, or memories, felt real. But I don't remember anything else. I wish I could...I should...I should go...” 

“No!” Magnus shouts, startling them both. “I'm sorry. I want to figure this out, with you. I'll do some research. Please stay.” Don't leave me again is stuck in the back of his throat, but he quickly shuts his mouth before he can speak the words. They are going to work through this, together.

 

****

 

“I just received a fire message from a friend in the Spiral Labyrinth. He'll be sending me some books that could maybe help us understand what's happening,” Magnus says, looking up from the message in his hand to see Alistair surrounded by dozens of mundane books about afterlives, reincarnation, and everything in between. He's hunched over the books on the ground in a position that can't be comfortable. “Lunch break?” Magnus continues as Alistair looks at him then, his eyes tired. “Gladly,” he answers.

It's been a week since Alistair's dreams appeared; he hasn't had any more since. But the feeling that something is missing in his mind, in his soul, in his body even, is a constant nagging feeling. That's why he welcomes this short break readily. Since the dreams came, he's been feeling this pull toward Magnus. And as the days pass, the more he has trouble containing his feelings. Each time Magnus is near him, he wants to touch him. To take his hand, to brush the tears that he sometimes sees appearing in the corners of his eyes when he looks at him. But he can't. They are friends and it isn't his place. He can't help but think that the longing he sees in Magnus’ eyes isn't for him. It could never be for him as who he is today. So he smiles and talks about anything but what is taking up a major part of their lives these days. 

 

****

 

Magnus has known Alistair for almost six months now, and if he's true to himself, he started to fall for the boy even before the recent events. Sure, he saw his Alexander in his features first, but he found himself falling for the things that weren't like his Alexander at all. Like the goofy smiles Lis makes anytime he sees a dog cross his path, or the pop culture references that he makes when you least expect it. There is a multitude of small details that warm his heart and break it at the same time. Like he's reaching for something one moment for it to be taken away the next. He doesn't know how to reconcile the two. 

As he's lost in his thoughts, Magnus doesn't see Alistair fidgeting near him. They have been practicing magic for a few hours, and they both are exhausted. “I need to leave, now!” Alistair says briskly. The panic is clear in his eyes, and he's heading towards the loft entrance quickly when Magnus puts a reassuring hand on his arm. “Hey, hey, Lis, calm down. What is happening?”. He's clearly distraught and avoiding any eye contact, trying to free himself from Magnus grasp. “Lis, look at me,” Magnus says as he takes Alistair's head in his hands. “What is happening?” 

“I can't...I... I should go. My warlock mark...I'm exhausted and I feel I can't control it any longer.” Magnus is reminded in this moment that this warlock thing is very new to him. He still has difficulties to hide his mark and probably feels insecure about it. “Show it to me?” Magnus asks softly. 

“No. They...You'll think I'm a freak,” Lis answers, still not looking Magnus in the eyes. Magnus knows what he needs to do, and drops his own glamour. “Please look at me.” Magnus says firmly. “Trust me.” When Lis finally looks at him, he sees the surprise and awe appear in his eyes. “Magnus–Magnus they're beautiful.” Of course that would be his reaction.

“Please, don't be ashamed. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Your mark is a part of you. You should be proud of it.” It had taken a long time to understand that for himself, because nobody had ever told him otherwise, until Alec. But he's determined to keep Alistair from ever feeling that for so long. When he finally starts to relax, Magnus asks again. “Please show me. If you want to.”

Alistair hesitates for a minute, and then he's leaving Magnus' space to take off his shirt and turn around. Magnus' breath catches in his throat as he sees two small black wings appear between the other man's shoulder blades. The light reflecting on the feathers give them almost a blue shade when Lis spreads them. They aren't very large, not much longer than his arms. “Please say something.” Alistair says then. 

Magnus didn't realise he had been staring at them for quite some time. “They are amazing, Lis, magnificient.” The compliment makes Alistair blush furiously, the redness spreading to his neck. “Can I...Can I touch them?” Magnus asks fascinated, before shaking his head and retracting the hand he had brought near the other man's back. “I'm sorry.”

Lis turns to face Magnus then and takes his hand. “No, it's fine. Go ahead,” he says with a shy smile and turns his back again to Magnus. As soon as Magnus’ hand lands on the feathers, a shiver passes through Lis' body at the sensation and he's holding his breath. 

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” Magnus asks worriedly. 

“No not at all. It feels good.” Magnus is the one blushing now as he spreads his fingers through the wings. 

After what feels like mere minutes, Alistair starts going sleepy on the spot and releases a huge yawn, which makes Magnus giggle. Such a beautiful sound Alistair thinks distantly. 

“You should go take a nap. I'll be there when you wake up,” Magnus tells him, reluctantly pulling his hand from the wings. Alistair doesn't need to be told twice as he falls asleep as soon as he's lying on his bed in the guest room. 

 

****

 

A whisper against his lips, a caress on his waist, it's an outpouring of sensations he has never felt before. He feels more alive than ever with the man in his arms. He can't see his face, only experience the feelings enveloping him entirely. He feels like he's going to explode in a thousand pieces at any moment, and he finally lets go with a name on his lips: “Magnus...”

Alistair wakes up abruptly, sweating in his bed, still feeling every touch as if he'd just experienced them for real. The dreams had never been so vivid, and certainly never about something like that. There is a longing in him as he pats the bed next to him and finds the spot empty. He exhales and looks at the clock on the left wall. 8:00 p.m. He has slept for more than six hours and he's hungry as hell. 

When he enters the kitchen, he's stopped completely by the vision welcoming him. Magnus is dancing and singing to himself, cooking something on the stove that smells heavenly, and all Alistair can do is stare. The movements of his hips threatens to take Alistair back to the dream he just woke up from, so he catches himself quickly and coughs a little to catch Magnus’ attention before he can see him staring. When he doesn't react, Alistair is about to speak out loud when he sees the earpieces in his ears. He decides to join him then to make himself known. When he reaches Magnus' shoulder to get his attention, Magnus is so surprised that he drops the spoon he's been using on his shirt, staining it rather badly. “F– hell! You scared me!” 

“Sorry,” Alistair answers sheepishly. 

“Well, it's fine. My shirt is just ruined now,” Magnus says without real heat in his voice. And then he's unbuttoning it right there in the middle of the kitchen. 

“You know you could just magic the stain away, right?” Alistair remarks with a smirk. His cheeks starting to get hot as he's watching Magnus. 

Magnus continues to take his shirt off, looking deliberately at Alistair doing so. “Yeah, but what would be the fun in that? Seeing you so flustered is just the best.” Alistair groans then but laugh easily, the tension falling back immediately, Magnus laughing too and going to his room to change his clothes. 

 

****

 

After sharing dinner together they settle on reading the books sent from the Spiral Labyrinth. After a few hours without much of a lead, they finally stumble upon an old legend that strangely resonates with Magnus, who then translates it roughly for Alistair. 

'When the Old Tree's roots will be disappearing,  
And the green of the leaves slowly fading.  
When the fruits will lose their colors,  
Their hearts exhaling with a tremor,  
When the air and all the helping kind,  
Won't change the fate of this old mind,  
The spirit of the forest shall return to him,  
His long lost force so he'd breathe in,  
Revived at last with a touch,  
In this eternal realm on earth.'

“Did you know that my mom used to call me buah hatiku when I was a small child? It means 'the fruit of my heart'.” Magnus says softly, his eyes fixed on the poem. Alistair is watching him, a lump in his throat at the significance of this revelation. There are too many similarities, too many words that call to their souls for it to be a coincidence. 

“Do you think we found our answer?” Alistair asks, barely audible, taking one of Magnus' hands in his, the moment too heavy to add anything else. 

When Magnus looks at him then, it is with such hope that he can help but close the distance between them, resting his forehead against his, breathing each other in, their hearts beating wildly in their chests. And in the next moment, Magnus is closing the distance even more, their lips only brushing lightly, when he realises what he'd just done. “I'm sorry, Lis. I shouldn't have. I–I didn't mean to–” He's stopped short in his rambling when he looks in Alistair's eyes next. They are hazy and unfocused. Alistair is falling backwards on the couch just a moment later, having another one of his seizures. 

“No! Lis please! Come back, I'm sorry! What–What is happening?” Magnus is trying to heal him with his magic while calling for him when he hears him talk again, his eyes still closed. “Magnus... Magnus, what the–”

“Oh god Lis! You're ok? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” Magnus leaps in his arms, hugging him as tightly as he can. 

“Woah, Magnus, love, I'm fine. Alright? Look at me. See, I'm fine. Calm down.” And while he's comforting Magnus, his thumbs stopping the tears on Magnus' cheeks, he adds, “And by the angel, why are you calling me Lis?” 

Magnus' world seems to turn around all at once and he feels his heart beating even faster if possible. “A–Alexander? It's you?” he asks with a broken voice, not daring to hope. 

“Of course it's me. Magnus, you're scaring me. What's hap–” 

He can't finish as Magnus is kissing him again, much more intently than before, and that is when everything comes crashing down inside of him. He remembers. God, he remembers everything. The first shy kiss just moments ago, Alistair (himself?) being so confused, his family – both Alistair's and Alec's –, and that fateful battle in Idris. When he...when he died. This last thought makes him break the kiss with Magnus, even though he would gladly keep going for the rest of his life. 

“I– Alexander you're really here? It's really you?” Magnus is asking, holding on for dear life to the back of his shirt. Alec isn't much better as he holds him as strongly.

“Yes Magnus, it's me. I remember. I remember everything. My life, Alistair's, all our moments together, then and now. How's it possible?” Frankly, Alec doesn't really care, he is here with Magnus, and he's a warlock. He'll never have to leave him again. 

But then he thinks about his siblings, his parents, his friends, about Jace... “Magnus, my family...They–They're all–” And his heart breaks once more, falling into Magnus' arms. 

“Shh– I'm sorry my love. I know, I know...It'll get better, with time. I'm sorry...” Magnus is the one holding his Alexander now, as his world is completely turned on its axis before him.

He was falling in love with Alistair, and he'll always be in love with his Alexander. They'll have a lot to talk about, a lot to understand. It certainly won't be easy, having two lives to reconcile. But they are together again, after all this time, and that's all that matters for now. 

 

********

 

Later that night, when Alec is above him, hold tight in his arms, with an expression of pure bliss on his face, head thrown back and his lips slightly open in a moan, his wings fully opened at his sides, Magnus fears that he will die from this vision alone. His Alexander had always been gorgeous in his pleasure, but here in his arms after so much time apart, he looks and feels breathtaking. 

Magnus slides his hands on Alec's back, reaching the feathers and stroking them lightly, making Alec cry louder. He is utterly lost for this man, always has been, always will be, in any of his forms. Alec looks him in the eyes with an unwavering gaze then, his own eyes full of more lust, affection and love he had ever witnessed. 

“Magnus...I love you so much. Please! Please...” He doesn't exactly know what he's asking for. For Magnus to push harder, to release him, to jump over the edge with him. When Magnus goes faster then, all words are lost for him in a harsh moan coming from the back of his throat. 

“Alexander! Never. Leave. Me. Again.” Magnus says through his desperate and laboured breathing. “I– love you! A–Ale–” They both climax together, pushed over the edge, tightly wrapped around each other, Alec in Magnus' lap, daring the universe to try and separate them once more. 

They know they would fight with everything they are now and everything they were then before anyone or anything could take them away from each other's arms again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> And if you want to talk about the fic, I always love responding to your comments! ♥
> 
> See you soon! ;)


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